On Inspiration and Motivation

Funny how little things tend to cause everything to seem as though it's spiraling out of control. Two months ago, I would have thought everything would be perfect by now. After all, I've officially been nineteen for a week. They always say things will get better, but when is always the question.

Of late, life has been a rollercoaster of things that tend to drive me insane, in both good and bad ways. There are people I wouldn't trade for the world, things I've done that I would do again in an instant, and then there are also the minor regrets, though those are few and far between. Still, it feels as though something's missing. It drives me insane to sit in front of the computer for hours and only be able to type out a paragraph at most.

Losing the motivation to write is the hardest thing for a writer. I have so much that must be done, so many words that need to be put to paper, but I can't seem to get them out. It's not for lack of trying, either. My devoted boyfriend tells me to write every day. Typically, the only writing I get done is a few tweets, and, if I'm lucky, a couple of ideas for a vlog that I'll put off for another week because I haven't cleaned.

What's worse is the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm not writing. It's as though my characters are trying to claw their way out, but they can't seem to get there. The words build up, and it drives me insane.

It's not for lack of inspiration, either. I have inspiration in every moment of my life. From the way my boyfriend looks at me at breakfast when I'm not all the way awake and he couldn't care less about my messy hair to the way the sun comes through the windows of the studio, lighting it up and making me want to dance until my feet hurt (a regular occurrence lately, with preparing for pro training next month), inspiration is in abundance.

All I can do is push forward and hope my motivation returns, though time will be in short supply come November.

Time to Panic?

Eight.

That's how many days I have until I am officially a published author. I have trouble remaining calm when I think about it. I'm still doing last minute edits. Leave it to me to procrastinate like always. Ideally, this should have been done last week. Instead l, I put it off.

Six.

I have six weeks until the first show I'm performing in. It's how many weeks I have to master this solo and pretend I'm not dying a little inside, thinking about how terrible I think it could end up.

Four.

That's the number of days until I have to figure out the rest of my one costume for this show next month. I don't know how I'm going to manage Batgirl, but I'm certainly going to try!

Now, back to editing, before I start crying.

The End

With everything that's been going on, I'm lucky I've had time to write as much as I have. Things seem to have escalated to the point that I barely have time to think. Despite all this, though, the end of a novel draws near.

I speak, of course, of my novel. It's strange to think I will have to type those words in a matter of hours. I don't want to contemplate how it will feel to have finally done it. This won't be the first novel I've written, but it is the first novel that I've finished and done something with.

The melancholy has finally set in and I know exactly how Jo felt when she finally finished writing Harry Potter. It's bittersweet, but it is something you must become accustomed to as a writer.

Now to finally finish what I started....

Playing Catch-Up (NaNoWriMo: Day 13)

Well, with access to my writing again and some free time to focus, I'm finally playing catch-up.  Whoo!  Only thirteen thousand words left to go.  So far, I'm incredibly behind my goal.  I was trying to hit 20k this weekend, only I didn't write... anything.  Instead, I worked a little on this new video for my YouTube channel.  The script is kicking my rear, but that's okay.  It'll be fun.

Novel writing is something I've done for awhile.  With everything that's going on this year, I'm starting to think that next year, I need to plan things out better.  Hopefully, it'll mean I can stick to my plot better than I have so far.  There's a lot of fluff and not a lot of substance.

Ah, well, back to writing.  Here's a widget so you can track my progress by day.  Green means I've hit my goal for the day. ;)

Soul Searching (NaNoWriMo Day 6)

Well, I'm behind yet again.  I've somehow fallen behind a good seven thousand words.  Playing catch-up sucks, but it's something I've got to do.  I will manage to do this, even if it takes a few late nights and lots of tea.

Today, though, I really wanted to focus on me time.  I need to find my muse again, get in touch with him/her, and shake them until they start giving me a decent plot...  I'm already starting chapter three and nothing has really happened.  I don't know why, but this whole thing is frustrating me.  Beyond that, I'm still on vacation.  I can't escape enough to write anything worth reading.

So there you have it... My complaints for the day.  Now for me to actually do something productive!

My Old Foe: Procrastination

Unfortunately, the idle mind brews an idle body.  I've been terrible this week when it comes to procrastination.  My life has gone from far to busy to not busy enough for my tastes.

That's a rather odd thought, in and of itself.  I typically complain that there's not enough time in the day.  Now, I spend my days sleeping, wishing there was less time in the day so I could actually feel like I accomplished something.  However, time is not something that likes to accommodate us when we snap our fingers.  Instead, it continues to move at the same constant rate, no matter what we do.

Well, that's not actually true.  In the words of someone great, time isn't a straight line.  I won't get into the physics, though.  For the sake of this blog, time progresses fairly linearly.  Moving on.

Now, the trick, overcoming procrastination.  I haven't found a good cure.  Even making a schedule doesn't seem to work.  I still do the stuff on it before the day is up, but I put it off until right before bedtime.  Ah, well, a conundrum for another time.