On Inspiration and Motivation

Funny how little things tend to cause everything to seem as though it's spiraling out of control. Two months ago, I would have thought everything would be perfect by now. After all, I've officially been nineteen for a week. They always say things will get better, but when is always the question.

Of late, life has been a rollercoaster of things that tend to drive me insane, in both good and bad ways. There are people I wouldn't trade for the world, things I've done that I would do again in an instant, and then there are also the minor regrets, though those are few and far between. Still, it feels as though something's missing. It drives me insane to sit in front of the computer for hours and only be able to type out a paragraph at most.

Losing the motivation to write is the hardest thing for a writer. I have so much that must be done, so many words that need to be put to paper, but I can't seem to get them out. It's not for lack of trying, either. My devoted boyfriend tells me to write every day. Typically, the only writing I get done is a few tweets, and, if I'm lucky, a couple of ideas for a vlog that I'll put off for another week because I haven't cleaned.

What's worse is the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm not writing. It's as though my characters are trying to claw their way out, but they can't seem to get there. The words build up, and it drives me insane.

It's not for lack of inspiration, either. I have inspiration in every moment of my life. From the way my boyfriend looks at me at breakfast when I'm not all the way awake and he couldn't care less about my messy hair to the way the sun comes through the windows of the studio, lighting it up and making me want to dance until my feet hurt (a regular occurrence lately, with preparing for pro training next month), inspiration is in abundance.

All I can do is push forward and hope my motivation returns, though time will be in short supply come November.

The Creative Mind

Recently, I realized I have a bit of a problem. My mind is always working and it never stops. It makes focusing on a single project very difficult. I've been trying to find a way to finish my novels and yet... there are too many things that call me away from them. Well, it's time to buckle down and finish something else. It has to happen, otherwise, I'm going to lose my mind.

Here's a quick outline of next week and how I plan on using it to complete another novel before the end of July so I can actually get it published.

• June 15: Cleaning, character development, locating old manuscripts that could use some polishing.
• June 16: Hanging out with the boyfriend and getting him to read an old manuscript if he's willing.
• June 17: Dance, writing 2000 words.
• June 18: Writing, cleaning, filming this week's main YouTube video.
• June 19: Calm before the storm. Time to practice for dance.
• June 20: Writing, cleaning, cooking, dance in the evening.
• June 21: Volunteering in the morning/early afternoon, writing/reading in the park, dance.
• June 22: Calm day, cleaning, maybe hanging out with the boyfriend.
• June 23: Monster's University, writing (hopefully), and practice time.

I don't think I have any time to breath, but that's alright. I'll manage.

Welcoming a New Month

Howdy! It's been a hell of a month, but I'm back at it. I do apologize for disappearing last month, but it became increasingly difficult to write a blog, keep up with two Tumblr accounts, dance, and write a novel.

That's right. I did it! I officially won Camp NaNoWriMo. I didn't hit my original fifty thousand word goal, but that's alright. I managed to hit twenty thousand, which was my amended goal, and I got several brilliant ideas out of the whole ordeal. Yay!

Alright, well, I need to get back to writing and posting this vlog. See you all soon.

Last Minute Panic

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 10

The last minute panic has set in. Will I be able to do it this time or am I just fooling myself? I'll have guests over the next few weeks, which means my writing time during the crucial first week will be interrupted and shortened. With what happened in November, it has me worried. Of course, in November, I didn't have my phone to go to when pen and paper weren't working.

Other questions plague me, too. I'm getting ready for a performance with my dance class, and that'll be the third week of the month. How will rehearsals effect my writing? My dancing is always going to come first, even when I really prefer to be writing.

The biggest question of the week is a doozy. Will my plot stand the test of marathon writing? I don't know. I have to keep hoping, praying, that it will work. Otherwise, I'll be working on several projects this month instead of just one...