Funny how little things tend to cause everything to seem as though it's spiraling out of control. Two months ago, I would have thought everything would be perfect by now. After all, I've officially been nineteen for a week. They always say things will get better, but when is always the question.
Of late, life has been a rollercoaster of things that tend to drive me insane, in both good and bad ways. There are people I wouldn't trade for the world, things I've done that I would do again in an instant, and then there are also the minor regrets, though those are few and far between. Still, it feels as though something's missing. It drives me insane to sit in front of the computer for hours and only be able to type out a paragraph at most.
Losing the motivation to write is the hardest thing for a writer. I have so much that must be done, so many words that need to be put to paper, but I can't seem to get them out. It's not for lack of trying, either. My devoted boyfriend tells me to write every day. Typically, the only writing I get done is a few tweets, and, if I'm lucky, a couple of ideas for a vlog that I'll put off for another week because I haven't cleaned.
What's worse is the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm not writing. It's as though my characters are trying to claw their way out, but they can't seem to get there. The words build up, and it drives me insane.
It's not for lack of inspiration, either. I have inspiration in every moment of my life. From the way my boyfriend looks at me at breakfast when I'm not all the way awake and he couldn't care less about my messy hair to the way the sun comes through the windows of the studio, lighting it up and making me want to dance until my feet hurt (a regular occurrence lately, with preparing for pro training next month), inspiration is in abundance.
All I can do is push forward and hope my motivation returns, though time will be in short supply come November.
