It seems fitting I finish up this month's blogs with a post about how flawed people, myself included, are. Spring is a time to clean out the old issues and welcome the dawning of a new year, a new chance at life. Summer brings us the chance to grow as people, to find ourselves, and hope we don't lose people along the way.
Over the past month, I've come to terms with a lot. I've lost friends, made new ones, and grown as a person. I'm still flawed, and I always will be. I long ago accepted that I'm nowhere close to perfect. Self-pity? Yeah, I feel it. Anger, depression, pride? Yeah, I suffer from those emotions as well. However, I work hard to overcome the negativity in my life. I try very hard to let go of the past, and to learn from my mistakes.
Very recently, I had a bit of a meltdown. I called some people out on the way they were treating me and the backlash was horrific. I was sick of the abuse I was taking from people who didn't even know me or what happens in my life. People close to those people then took it upon themselves to let me know I'm a pathetic bitch. Hey, I'll own up to that. I only have one thing to say in my defense: I am human. I make mistakes. Life isn't about everyone liking you. It's not about pissing off everyone around you. It's about making mistakes, learning from them, and trying to be a better person.
So here it is, my soul laid bare. I'm a pathetic teenager who suffers from a horrible mental affliction called being human. I'm too smart for my own good, I don't believe in false modesty, I make mistakes quite often, and I'm in love with my life. I wouldn't change me for the world.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Starkid and Vlogging
Ordinarily, at one o'clock in the morning, I'd rather be sleeping, or speaking to the lovely man in my life, but once again, I find myself blogging. Heck, I could be playing Pokemon, and here I am.
Recently, I watched Starkid's new musical. For those of you who don't know, Starkid is a theatre group which Glee's lovely Darren Criss is a part of. Their musicals include Me and My Dick, A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, and recently Holy Musical, B@man. Of course, they're probably better known in the non-Potter community for Starship. While I ordinarily don't tell people to do things--no, that's not true, I am bossy--if you haven't seen these musicals, I strongly suggest you go watch them. Not only will you laugh until you cry, the music is brilliant.
Now, recently, I watched HMB. I fell in love with the songs and the way the story was presented. The cast did a wonderful job of translating the characters of the only comic books I've ever read into live action. I heard it described as very much like a comic book, and I can agree with that. It was like going back to my roots with Batman's story, back to the original movies and some of the original comic books (I never claimed to have read more than a few, though, mind you). Mixed in were references to other favorite stories of mine and I loved every minute of it.
Now, I come to another point I wanted to make. As some of you know, I do have a YouTube channel, on which I post, or plan to post, my wizard rock. However, as I am terrible about posting on here, I've considered starting vlogging. It doesn't mean I would stop blogging, merely add something else to my list of hobbies. I've yet to decide if I'll actually go through with it, though. We'll just wait and see.
Recently, I watched Starkid's new musical. For those of you who don't know, Starkid is a theatre group which Glee's lovely Darren Criss is a part of. Their musicals include Me and My Dick, A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, and recently Holy Musical, B@man. Of course, they're probably better known in the non-Potter community for Starship. While I ordinarily don't tell people to do things--no, that's not true, I am bossy--if you haven't seen these musicals, I strongly suggest you go watch them. Not only will you laugh until you cry, the music is brilliant.
Now, recently, I watched HMB. I fell in love with the songs and the way the story was presented. The cast did a wonderful job of translating the characters of the only comic books I've ever read into live action. I heard it described as very much like a comic book, and I can agree with that. It was like going back to my roots with Batman's story, back to the original movies and some of the original comic books (I never claimed to have read more than a few, though, mind you). Mixed in were references to other favorite stories of mine and I loved every minute of it.
Now, I come to another point I wanted to make. As some of you know, I do have a YouTube channel, on which I post, or plan to post, my wizard rock. However, as I am terrible about posting on here, I've considered starting vlogging. It doesn't mean I would stop blogging, merely add something else to my list of hobbies. I've yet to decide if I'll actually go through with it, though. We'll just wait and see.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Haters Gonna Hate
Odd title, isn't it? For me, at least, it is. I try to avoid subjects where I'll be complaining about how I feel. This is one of those rare occasions I'm going to give in, though. For some reason, people look at me and don't think I take crap from anyone. That's mostly right.
Ordinarily, I brush off the abuse I take from people for how I behave, how I dress, how I carry myself. There are times, though, that I give in and let it get to me. I'm still human, even if I don't let the words get to me. I still feel even when I pretend I'm made of ice. I call myself the Ice Queen for a reason.
There comes a point when it crosses a line. It's cyberbullying when people attack one person for no reason. I see a lot of this in one of the former Roleplay universes I still have characters alive in. People will become vicious for no reason other than to be mean. We're all human, I know, but having people attack for something innocent, even in character, crosses a line.
The sad part is, they don't do it to just one person. They do it to each other, then those same people who were attacked before help those who attacked them with attacking someone else. It saddens me to see that happen. Why can't we all just get along? I know it doesn't seem to be "human nature", but neither is defending the people who attack you.
So, I'll put this question for you. Why do they do it? Why do they make people feel small just because they can?
The answer is simply this... Because they can. Because we let them get away with it. Because no one has the guts to stand up and call them out on it.
I'm done taking the abuse. I'm done letting them walk over me because they think they can. I understand the in-character hating on my characters. They aren't always likeable. But don't carry it elsewhere. Don't let it seep into your actual life because it becomes poison.
Ordinarily, I brush off the abuse I take from people for how I behave, how I dress, how I carry myself. There are times, though, that I give in and let it get to me. I'm still human, even if I don't let the words get to me. I still feel even when I pretend I'm made of ice. I call myself the Ice Queen for a reason.
There comes a point when it crosses a line. It's cyberbullying when people attack one person for no reason. I see a lot of this in one of the former Roleplay universes I still have characters alive in. People will become vicious for no reason other than to be mean. We're all human, I know, but having people attack for something innocent, even in character, crosses a line.
The sad part is, they don't do it to just one person. They do it to each other, then those same people who were attacked before help those who attacked them with attacking someone else. It saddens me to see that happen. Why can't we all just get along? I know it doesn't seem to be "human nature", but neither is defending the people who attack you.
So, I'll put this question for you. Why do they do it? Why do they make people feel small just because they can?
The answer is simply this... Because they can. Because we let them get away with it. Because no one has the guts to stand up and call them out on it.
I'm done taking the abuse. I'm done letting them walk over me because they think they can. I understand the in-character hating on my characters. They aren't always likeable. But don't carry it elsewhere. Don't let it seep into your actual life because it becomes poison.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I'm Bringing Hippie Back
Well, once again, I find myself writing late at night. Believe it or not... not typicially what I like doing on my days off. Ordinarily, I'm wrapped up in a book or being a nerd and doing homework. Not tonight, though. Instead, I'm sitting here... posting pictures of hemp jewelry. Well guess what? I'm bringing hippie back. :) Night, y'all.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Invisible in a Sea of Faces
We've all been there. We've all felt invisible. Sometimes, we just can't help it. We're overlooked by those we thought cared. "Why?" we ask ourselves. Why the hell are we the invisible ones? What did we do to earn this? More importantly, why don't they understand?
Here's the thing. They do understand. They've all been there, too. Sometimes, we just don't want to believe it. It's hard to accept that the same people who make us feel invisible also feel invisible.
For the past seventeen years, the only time I'm seen is when I'm dancing. When I'm moving, I don't care if I can be seen. I just want to forget. Sometimes, it's painful to hold on to the feelings that I hide from the rest of the world. The minute I'm on the dance floor, the rest of the world ceases to matter. All that matters is my partner and the music.
Only one other person managed to change that. Without him, I'd have sunk into a depression again. Instead, he keeps me sane, keeps me from going over the deep end and never being able to find myself again. The sad thing is... he lives too far away to spend time with. I can't call him up when I'm on the verge of tears. I have to wait until he gets online to tell him about how small I've been made to feel.
So yeah... Even if you feel invisible, please know you aren't the only one. We've all been there. We've all felt like this. Some of us still feel that way. Know this, though... no one can change it but you.
Here's the thing. They do understand. They've all been there, too. Sometimes, we just don't want to believe it. It's hard to accept that the same people who make us feel invisible also feel invisible.
For the past seventeen years, the only time I'm seen is when I'm dancing. When I'm moving, I don't care if I can be seen. I just want to forget. Sometimes, it's painful to hold on to the feelings that I hide from the rest of the world. The minute I'm on the dance floor, the rest of the world ceases to matter. All that matters is my partner and the music.
Only one other person managed to change that. Without him, I'd have sunk into a depression again. Instead, he keeps me sane, keeps me from going over the deep end and never being able to find myself again. The sad thing is... he lives too far away to spend time with. I can't call him up when I'm on the verge of tears. I have to wait until he gets online to tell him about how small I've been made to feel.
So yeah... Even if you feel invisible, please know you aren't the only one. We've all been there. We've all felt like this. Some of us still feel that way. Know this, though... no one can change it but you.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Good Things
Well... it's official. My spring break is over. No more. Classes start again tomorrow for me and I get the lovely pleasure of sitting through yet another lecture on music. While I love music--obviously, wrocker, remember?--I have to try my hardest not to correct my professor's petty mistakes. While I'm no expert on music, I do know the difference between harmony and melody for goodness sake. Musical theory? No problem. I'm a quick study and music is one of the few things I've remained passionate about for the last seventeen years of my life.
Meanwhile, I've also got Algebra. I love this class to death, I really do, which is saying something because I normally bomb my math classes. The only bad thing? I've gotten used to not starving myself over spring break. The class is scheduled in such a way that I miss lunch. I can't even eat anything right after, because I have dance then.
Now, I really have nothing more to say, as it is time for me to hit the sack so I can be up with the sun tomorrow.
Meanwhile, I've also got Algebra. I love this class to death, I really do, which is saying something because I normally bomb my math classes. The only bad thing? I've gotten used to not starving myself over spring break. The class is scheduled in such a way that I miss lunch. I can't even eat anything right after, because I have dance then.
Now, I really have nothing more to say, as it is time for me to hit the sack so I can be up with the sun tomorrow.
“All good things were at one time bad
things; every original sin has developed into an original virtue.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Chocolate Chips, Fanfics, and Wrock
Believe it or not, I'm always up this late. Even with everything that goes on in my life, I still manage to find time for the important things, even at the risk of sacrficing my sleep for it. Sometimes, that simply means curling up with a good book or logging on to Skype so I can chat with my friends around the globe. Lately, though, I've been rethinking everything I consider important.
I'm one of the few people I know who remembers almost everything. I can still remember the first poem I had to memorize for school. Scary, isn't it? To drive this fact home, I've, quite sadly, not read anything except... wait for it... fanfiction and textbooks in the past four months. The main reason for that? I'm a college student. I find time to do things I enjoy, but only just. Clearly I've found myself wondering why I'm not devoting my energy to something else. I have several unfinished novels collecting figurative dust on my hard drive. I have a handful of unfinished Harry Potter fanfictions--yes, I'm one of those people. Yet, I can't bring myself to write them. Every time I find my character's voice, I lose it.
Another thing that has taken up my time is wrock. For those of you who don't know, wrock is short for wizard rock. For those of you in the know, yes, I actually perform this stuff. Sort of. I've finished one album, but I've not released it yet. I keep waiting for wrockBOX to open up so I can submit my music. I'm waiting for a melody to strike me for the two songs I'm currently working on. My guitar is constantly ignored in favor of my keyboard, which only adds to my frustration at being unable to create the sound I want.
My main distraction is two-fold. I'm a dancer. I've begun working towards competition, which is a big deal for someone who is still considered a beginner in some circles. The time I'm not practicing until I'm sore, I'm taking lessons, or dancing socially. I've been told I have an addictive personality, and I believe it. I'm addicted to dancing, to the endorphins, to the sheer joy of being good at something. I'm not nervous about it anymore. I'm just driven. I want to do my best and I never settle for less.
Now, some of you, if any, are wondering what chocolate chips have to do with anything in this completely random and pointless post. Chocolate chips have everything to do with it. They've become my solution to all my problems. Whenever I'm stressed, I bake. Oh, I'm having troubles paying for lessons? I'm going to bake a batch of brownies. Oh, we're going to move? I'll just bake some cookies for the trip. Chocolate chips have been what's keeping my from losing my mind entirely in this crazy world I call my own. So thank you, inventor of the chocolate chip (Ruth Graves Wakefield, if anyone was wondering). Thank you for keeping my sane.
And so, I must conclude this post, as I do believe I hear something else calling me away. Thank you for reading the mess that is my thoughts.
I'm one of the few people I know who remembers almost everything. I can still remember the first poem I had to memorize for school. Scary, isn't it? To drive this fact home, I've, quite sadly, not read anything except... wait for it... fanfiction and textbooks in the past four months. The main reason for that? I'm a college student. I find time to do things I enjoy, but only just. Clearly I've found myself wondering why I'm not devoting my energy to something else. I have several unfinished novels collecting figurative dust on my hard drive. I have a handful of unfinished Harry Potter fanfictions--yes, I'm one of those people. Yet, I can't bring myself to write them. Every time I find my character's voice, I lose it.
Another thing that has taken up my time is wrock. For those of you who don't know, wrock is short for wizard rock. For those of you in the know, yes, I actually perform this stuff. Sort of. I've finished one album, but I've not released it yet. I keep waiting for wrockBOX to open up so I can submit my music. I'm waiting for a melody to strike me for the two songs I'm currently working on. My guitar is constantly ignored in favor of my keyboard, which only adds to my frustration at being unable to create the sound I want.
My main distraction is two-fold. I'm a dancer. I've begun working towards competition, which is a big deal for someone who is still considered a beginner in some circles. The time I'm not practicing until I'm sore, I'm taking lessons, or dancing socially. I've been told I have an addictive personality, and I believe it. I'm addicted to dancing, to the endorphins, to the sheer joy of being good at something. I'm not nervous about it anymore. I'm just driven. I want to do my best and I never settle for less.
Now, some of you, if any, are wondering what chocolate chips have to do with anything in this completely random and pointless post. Chocolate chips have everything to do with it. They've become my solution to all my problems. Whenever I'm stressed, I bake. Oh, I'm having troubles paying for lessons? I'm going to bake a batch of brownies. Oh, we're going to move? I'll just bake some cookies for the trip. Chocolate chips have been what's keeping my from losing my mind entirely in this crazy world I call my own. So thank you, inventor of the chocolate chip (Ruth Graves Wakefield, if anyone was wondering). Thank you for keeping my sane.
And so, I must conclude this post, as I do believe I hear something else calling me away. Thank you for reading the mess that is my thoughts.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Disillusioned, or An Introduction
Ordinarily, I wonder in my sanity to decide to blog. It's been something I've debated for several months. However, over the last week, I have been pushed to finally post. As some people who are possibly reading this, I constantly have strong opinions. It is one of those opinions that brings me here now.
The Internet has been abuzz with news about the column written by Samantha Brick, asking why women hate her because she's attractive. Ordinarily, I don't get involved in things like this. I saw the article about the backlash on Yahoo! and wondered if it was a troll. Out of sheer curiosity, I investigated. What I found... it stunned me.
I knew that people can be very vicious, but I hadn't realized exactly how much a single column could turn the world against a woman. Some of the comments I do agree with. However, the reaction of the author... It was what truly stunned me. Thanks to a wondrous search engine, I was able to find a trove of articles about the backlash and article in question. Frankly, it all disgusted me. It was not merely the reaction of the readers, but the desire of the author to post something like this in the first place.
Do we not have enough beautiful people? Where did all the intelligent ones go? I know I'm not the last teenage girl who couldn't care less about the way she's perceived. However, as I look around me, I see people obsessed with the material objects that make our lives easier and the cosmetic side of human nature. It made me realize something. We've become vain. Vanity has always been a part of human nature, but never has it extended quite this far. We have our world famous celebrities, the ones we turn to for the latest fashions, the latest insipid comments Tweets. What happened?
So, this is me, disillusioned with society. An outsider among those who would rather not see the problems. However, I'm happy to be who I am. I am, and forever will be, merely, madly me.
The Internet has been abuzz with news about the column written by Samantha Brick, asking why women hate her because she's attractive. Ordinarily, I don't get involved in things like this. I saw the article about the backlash on Yahoo! and wondered if it was a troll. Out of sheer curiosity, I investigated. What I found... it stunned me.
I knew that people can be very vicious, but I hadn't realized exactly how much a single column could turn the world against a woman. Some of the comments I do agree with. However, the reaction of the author... It was what truly stunned me. Thanks to a wondrous search engine, I was able to find a trove of articles about the backlash and article in question. Frankly, it all disgusted me. It was not merely the reaction of the readers, but the desire of the author to post something like this in the first place.
Do we not have enough beautiful people? Where did all the intelligent ones go? I know I'm not the last teenage girl who couldn't care less about the way she's perceived. However, as I look around me, I see people obsessed with the material objects that make our lives easier and the cosmetic side of human nature. It made me realize something. We've become vain. Vanity has always been a part of human nature, but never has it extended quite this far. We have our world famous celebrities, the ones we turn to for the latest fashions, the latest insipid comments Tweets. What happened?
So, this is me, disillusioned with society. An outsider among those who would rather not see the problems. However, I'm happy to be who I am. I am, and forever will be, merely, madly me.
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