Thankfulness

November is a month of thanks for many Americans, as we celebrate the day that history remembers that Native Americans didn't let white settlers die of starvation by helping them farm the land. Despite the potential for quite a bit of controversy in the origins of the holiday, the spirit is something I feel that we all need a little more of in our lives. With the invention of social networks, people tend to spend the month of November posting thirty things that they are grateful for. I decided that perhaps a better way to do it was this, a simple blog post about the things I'm most grateful for in my life.

1. I am thankful for my parents and their trust in me. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be able to pursue my dreams in the States. I wouldn't be so close to having my teaching certification and a job doing something I love.
2. I am incredibly thankful for my boyfriend. He's been my best friend for a long time, but to know that I continue to have his support means the world to me. I would have given up on a couple of dreams a long time ago if it weren't for him.
3. I am grateful for my mentor, who continues to push me to do the best I can, even when I'm having a rough day. He knows that I need the extra kick in the butt sometimes, and he definitely gives it to me. He's also become a second father to me, looking out for me when I let him.
4. I am so thankful for my friends and their parents. When my family left last year, I was stubborn and didn't like to ask people for help. Despite that, though, these people helped me, took me in, and really made sure that I was doing everything I needed to survive.
5. I am grateful for my puppy. Although Monster is quite a large puppy, she's still a puppy, and she loves me unconditionally. We occasionally have moments when I have to yell at her, but those are few and far between. In the end, I know that she loves me and she knows that I love her.
6. I am thankful for my dance partners. Whether they're simply social partners, or we're gearing up for performances and competitions, I have some amazing friends in these talented people. Without them, I would be only half the dancer that I am.
7. I am thankful for books. Books are worlds in which I can escape for a time. Whether it is as a writer or a reader of said books, they're always there when I need away.
8. I am grateful for my friends who have elected to go into the Army or the Air Force. A lot of us met that way, and managed to keep in touch. Knowing that they followed in their parents' footsteps and are serving this country means a lot to me. They work hard so I can sit on my butt all day and write.
9. I am thankful for cookies. What's life without a good dessert? It's the little things in life that make it what it is. Without cookies, life would be a lot less sweet.
10. I am grateful for all of you who are reading this. I don't know who you are, or what you do, but that you read my babbling means a lot. So, thank you.

On Inspiration and Motivation

Funny how little things tend to cause everything to seem as though it's spiraling out of control. Two months ago, I would have thought everything would be perfect by now. After all, I've officially been nineteen for a week. They always say things will get better, but when is always the question.

Of late, life has been a rollercoaster of things that tend to drive me insane, in both good and bad ways. There are people I wouldn't trade for the world, things I've done that I would do again in an instant, and then there are also the minor regrets, though those are few and far between. Still, it feels as though something's missing. It drives me insane to sit in front of the computer for hours and only be able to type out a paragraph at most.

Losing the motivation to write is the hardest thing for a writer. I have so much that must be done, so many words that need to be put to paper, but I can't seem to get them out. It's not for lack of trying, either. My devoted boyfriend tells me to write every day. Typically, the only writing I get done is a few tweets, and, if I'm lucky, a couple of ideas for a vlog that I'll put off for another week because I haven't cleaned.

What's worse is the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm not writing. It's as though my characters are trying to claw their way out, but they can't seem to get there. The words build up, and it drives me insane.

It's not for lack of inspiration, either. I have inspiration in every moment of my life. From the way my boyfriend looks at me at breakfast when I'm not all the way awake and he couldn't care less about my messy hair to the way the sun comes through the windows of the studio, lighting it up and making me want to dance until my feet hurt (a regular occurrence lately, with preparing for pro training next month), inspiration is in abundance.

All I can do is push forward and hope my motivation returns, though time will be in short supply come November.

Arty Gets a Movie

Remember how last year I was going on about the Artemis Fowl movie and how it was stuck in production hell? Guess who got out?! That's right. They officially announced they were moving forward with the Artemis Fowl movie. As such, I think it's time to update my dream team for the cast of the movie.

Here's what we currently know about it before I get started:

• Disney is making it.
• Robert de Niro is producing
• Michael Goldenberg is writing the script.

Now that that's out of the way, keep that in mind as I take a stab at casting who I would if I was directing it.

1. Artemis Fowl
   It's hard to figure out an actor for the title role. People have mentioned Asa Butterfield as the boy genius, but my only fear with that is he's a little old for the role, though he certainly looks like Arty. When we first meet Artemis Fowl, he's supposed to be twelve. Asa is sixteen. Could be worse, though.
2. Butler
   I stand by my earlier dream casting here, with Jason Statham. Who else could kick butt and still win our hearts? Need more reasons? Just look at everything else he's done.
3. Foaly
   I'm still all on board for Steve Coogan to take the role of Foaly, though I'd also be happy with David Tennant, Justin Bartha, or Peter Capaldi in the role, though I doubt they'll cast Peter due to his recent casting in Doctor Who.
4. Holly
   I have so many issues finding a Holly in my mind, because I see her in my mind as Holly as she's written. Whoever they cast will have large wings to fill...
5. Mulch
   I'm still saying Lee Arenberg, though Jack Black has been mentioned as a potential. I would rather see Lee in the role, simply because I love him to death and he's a very underrated actor.
6. Juliet Butler
   Is it sad that I'm calling either Elle Fanning or Chloë Grace Moretz for Juliet? They both have the abilities, and the looks to pull it off. I would be happy with either, and if neither of them are cast, then I'll be judging so very hard.
7. Commander Root
   This has been one that's bugged me for months, and I'm finally calling it for either J.K Simmons or Anthony Hopkins. They're both men of incredible acting abilities and to play Root, you have to be tougher than tough. They can do it.

That's all for now, loves!

Losing Myself

So, I'm realizing that I'm getting terrible at keeping a blog. My Tumblr is doing great, but that's only because it's not really meant for long blog posts, though I've posted a few of those as well.

Quite a bit has happened in the month since I last said howdy to you lot. I've been struggling to write as much as I need to for Camp NaNoWriMo. Thankfully, I don't really have much of a social life anymore to get in my way. It's just dancing and volunteering that have stopped me from being ahead. Well, that and my own mind. I'm working on three different projects this month, which is a bit more of a struggle than it really ought to be.

I realized a couple of days ago that in all the rush and craziness of my everyday life, I've started to lose track of what's important to me. I've been so worried about if I'll be able to do everything that everyone else wants me to do that I forgot that my own dreams need to come first. Between my dancing and my writing, I know what I want to do with my life. Everyone else has other plans for me, though.

Go to college, get a real job, don't waste your time on such trivial pursuits. I hear this all the time, and the constant barrage makes me wonder if I'm making the right decisions by following my dreams. Sure, I intend to go back to college and get my degree, but the timing is off. I know I'm capable of handling the workload, but it means I'll be losing every bit of a social life I've managed to gain. And yes, school is important. I'm not denying that, or the fact that I miss it, but I'm in no rush to go back just yet. I left for a reason. I needed to find myself.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm going to have to make some tough decisions in the near future. I've got my whole life ahead of me to do some things, but other things... they're within my reach and there's no point in not going after them. If I let my dreams slip away, I'll only be losing myself.

The Creative Mind

Recently, I realized I have a bit of a problem. My mind is always working and it never stops. It makes focusing on a single project very difficult. I've been trying to find a way to finish my novels and yet... there are too many things that call me away from them. Well, it's time to buckle down and finish something else. It has to happen, otherwise, I'm going to lose my mind.

Here's a quick outline of next week and how I plan on using it to complete another novel before the end of July so I can actually get it published.

• June 15: Cleaning, character development, locating old manuscripts that could use some polishing.
• June 16: Hanging out with the boyfriend and getting him to read an old manuscript if he's willing.
• June 17: Dance, writing 2000 words.
• June 18: Writing, cleaning, filming this week's main YouTube video.
• June 19: Calm before the storm. Time to practice for dance.
• June 20: Writing, cleaning, cooking, dance in the evening.
• June 21: Volunteering in the morning/early afternoon, writing/reading in the park, dance.
• June 22: Calm day, cleaning, maybe hanging out with the boyfriend.
• June 23: Monster's University, writing (hopefully), and practice time.

I don't think I have any time to breath, but that's alright. I'll manage.

Welcoming a New Month

Howdy! It's been a hell of a month, but I'm back at it. I do apologize for disappearing last month, but it became increasingly difficult to write a blog, keep up with two Tumblr accounts, dance, and write a novel.

That's right. I did it! I officially won Camp NaNoWriMo. I didn't hit my original fifty thousand word goal, but that's alright. I managed to hit twenty thousand, which was my amended goal, and I got several brilliant ideas out of the whole ordeal. Yay!

Alright, well, I need to get back to writing and posting this vlog. See you all soon.

Last Minute Panic

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 10

The last minute panic has set in. Will I be able to do it this time or am I just fooling myself? I'll have guests over the next few weeks, which means my writing time during the crucial first week will be interrupted and shortened. With what happened in November, it has me worried. Of course, in November, I didn't have my phone to go to when pen and paper weren't working.

Other questions plague me, too. I'm getting ready for a performance with my dance class, and that'll be the third week of the month. How will rehearsals effect my writing? My dancing is always going to come first, even when I really prefer to be writing.

The biggest question of the week is a doozy. Will my plot stand the test of marathon writing? I don't know. I have to keep hoping, praying, that it will work. Otherwise, I'll be working on several projects this month instead of just one...

My NaNoWriMo Survival Kit

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 12

Everyone approaches insanity with different outlook. Writing a novel in a month is certainly nothing short of insanity. However, I never do it alone. Here are a few things that help me through the next month.

-Phone: As I broke my laptop, my phone is currently the only way I can write. I should be getting a tablet or new laptop eventually, but until my parents and I can come to some sort of arrangement, my iPhone is my best friend.

-Soda/tea/hot chocolate: Caffeine and chocolate are an author's best friend. Being able to stay hydrated while writing is also very important.

-Pinterest: Believe it or not, I do a lot of planning on Pinterest. Location building, wardrobes, the little details of everything, it's all on a board.

-Flash drive: Even though I'm writing one phone, I still have to save my work somewhere, in a single document. I'm not willing to lose my work again.

-Pandora/iHeart Radio/playlists: What's a girl without her music?

-Notebooks and sketchbook: Notes, everywhere. They come in so many forms, and it's up to me to keep them all straight for the next month as my novel takes shape.

-Allergy medication: It's spring, the weather is fantastic, and I honestly want to write outside. How can I do that if I have a sneezing attack every time I leave the house?

-Camera: I need to capture certain moments for later, as well as for inspiration. It's the best part of being me. Writing and photography go hand in hand.

-Emergency chocolate: Sometimes, emotions run high, and chocolate is the only fix.

-Quick meals (ramen, hot dogs, anything microwaveable): It's NaNoWriMo. I don't have time to cook. A novel is calling!

NaNoing Mobile

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 16

Stuff happens and that means we can't always have access to a computer. However, almost everyone has a phone. Believe it or not, there are actually ways to NaNo on your phone.

Part of the reason I discovered how to do this is because I managed to kill my laptop, thanks to a soup incident. However, I know that many people take trips during the spring and summer. For a NaNo, that can be the end of the world. You have a word count you're trying to reach and a car trip can stop you from being able to write.

If you have a smartphone, like I do, there are word processing apps, like Werdsmith (which is what I use), that allow you to write on the go. I can keep track of my word count using it, email the chapters to myself, then put them in an actual document later. It doesn't take much for me to be able to sit down and write now.

Have any of you found ways to NaNo without a laptop? Let me know!

And the Madness Begins.

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 18

Keep with me, because I'm about to talk to you about everything that's coming up over the next year.

So, it's official. I'm doing the April session of Camp NaNoWriMo. Originally, I was going to write the sequel to Faery Mists, Moon Struck, but now I think I'm going to write a different novel. We'll see what happens.

I'm also considering making a documentary, but that will take a lot more time and planning than writing a novel, especially considering I want to do a documentary about women on YouTube. I know for a fact that I've got a movie in the works, so yeah. I'm losing my mind slowly. A friend and I are working on the script currently, then we'll be moving on in the production of it. We're doing it all ourselves.

On my YouTube channel, I'm going to be producing some more music (yay?) and doing some new short films/skits. We'll see how all that goes. I know that next week, I get to finally put up my Slenderman video. It's been a long time coming and it's almost finished, finally.

Too Many Ideas, Not Enough Brain

This is my jar of ideas. Each little post-it has something written on it. The green ones are novel ideas. The grey ones are for my YouTube channel.

Why am I posting this? It's simple, really. I have too many ideas and not enough brain capacity to deal with all of them at once. By doing this, I get to write down all my ideas and still come back to them when I have the time to deal with them.

Goldfish-ism

Warning: This blog post will be incredibly random. Proceed at your own risk.

Do you ever just have moments where nothing can make you focus? No matter how hard you try, you're always getting distracted? Yeah, me too. In fact, I sat down to write this post and immediately needed to clean my phone case.

Today, I feel like a goldfish. I managed to sit still and focus all through rehearsal this afternoon, but once I was home, I couldn't focus on anything to save my life.

Here's a random picture of a frog in a hole that I took last summer. Speaking of frogs, I once wanted to write a twist on the Frog Prince. I should probably get started on that eventually. Maybe after something sweet to eat, not that I need sugar in this state.

Sugar... Alright, dessert tortilla as soon as I finish writing this post... Or maybe after this sentence. I can't decide.

All in all, tonight, I am a goldfish.

It Feels Like Monday...

Irony is something I am very familiar with.  As a writer, I love to employ it whenever possible.  It's also hilarious when I'm sarcastic and no one gets it.  Today, though, was a day that the universe decided that I needed more situational irony in my life.

So, I was on my way to get gas and shots because it had to be done.  I was fixing to pass a gas station (but not the one I was headed to) when my van decided it was completely out of gas.  It wasn't having it anymore and I sputtered to a halt.  I was 100 yards from the gas station, and about 50 from the police/fire station.  There was a semi behind me that had also run out of gas...  And after I finally managed to get some gas in my van and I'm pulling away, another guy sputters to a stop.

 

When I got home, I promptly burst into tears.  I'd already tried my best to avoid sobbing on the cop who was kind enough to assist me while I filled up my van.  The whole situation was so absurd.  I think I was a little in shock, as well.

 

If anything, I learned exactly how far I can drive once my gas gauge says it's empty.

Jumping Right Back In

I can't leave anything alone for long.  It's something that I've noticed.  If I have something that I want to do, I do it.  Call it a flaw, if you will, or just a perk of being me.  I may leave a project alone for awhile, but I will always come back to it.

Publishing my first novel was a different experience for me.  I was put through an emotional roller coaster as I dealt with the problems that popped up.  Oh, there was a typo in the novel that I missed.  The Kindle edition format was messed up.  The font wasn't embedding properly.  The list seemed never ending.

Despite the heartache of publishing, I've already started on another two novels.  Well, I've started on the research and background for these two novels.  Ordinarily, when writing fantasy, the world is yours to create.  When you write urban or contemporary fantasy, though, you're confined to the world that exists already.  Sure, you can tweak it, but it helps if there is some believability to it.

With that in mind, I'm working on slowly building the world in which my characters will live.  Even if the whole novel takes place in one building, I want to know everything I can about the entire world before I set out to write this time.

Time to Panic?

Eight.

That's how many days I have until I am officially a published author. I have trouble remaining calm when I think about it. I'm still doing last minute edits. Leave it to me to procrastinate like always. Ideally, this should have been done last week. Instead l, I put it off.

Six.

I have six weeks until the first show I'm performing in. It's how many weeks I have to master this solo and pretend I'm not dying a little inside, thinking about how terrible I think it could end up.

Four.

That's the number of days until I have to figure out the rest of my one costume for this show next month. I don't know how I'm going to manage Batgirl, but I'm certainly going to try!

Now, back to editing, before I start crying.

2012

Well, it's been 2013 for a week, officially, and I'm not quite sure how to feel about the whole matter.  It's different.  Already, so much has changed for me this year.  I'm alright with all that, though.  I'm finally finishing up my novel.  I've had to add a couple of scenes and writing them is emotionally draining, but so worth it.

Last year saw the start of many things for me.  It saw me start blogging and vlogging.  It was the beginning of several amazing friendships and the loss of some that I wish hadn't had to end.  It saw me gain a bit of independence, and this year will see me fighting to maintain it.  Last year was an amazing year and I can only hope this year will be just as great.