Losing Myself

So, I'm realizing that I'm getting terrible at keeping a blog. My Tumblr is doing great, but that's only because it's not really meant for long blog posts, though I've posted a few of those as well.

Quite a bit has happened in the month since I last said howdy to you lot. I've been struggling to write as much as I need to for Camp NaNoWriMo. Thankfully, I don't really have much of a social life anymore to get in my way. It's just dancing and volunteering that have stopped me from being ahead. Well, that and my own mind. I'm working on three different projects this month, which is a bit more of a struggle than it really ought to be.

I realized a couple of days ago that in all the rush and craziness of my everyday life, I've started to lose track of what's important to me. I've been so worried about if I'll be able to do everything that everyone else wants me to do that I forgot that my own dreams need to come first. Between my dancing and my writing, I know what I want to do with my life. Everyone else has other plans for me, though.

Go to college, get a real job, don't waste your time on such trivial pursuits. I hear this all the time, and the constant barrage makes me wonder if I'm making the right decisions by following my dreams. Sure, I intend to go back to college and get my degree, but the timing is off. I know I'm capable of handling the workload, but it means I'll be losing every bit of a social life I've managed to gain. And yes, school is important. I'm not denying that, or the fact that I miss it, but I'm in no rush to go back just yet. I left for a reason. I needed to find myself.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm going to have to make some tough decisions in the near future. I've got my whole life ahead of me to do some things, but other things... they're within my reach and there's no point in not going after them. If I let my dreams slip away, I'll only be losing myself.

Welcoming a New Month

Howdy! It's been a hell of a month, but I'm back at it. I do apologize for disappearing last month, but it became increasingly difficult to write a blog, keep up with two Tumblr accounts, dance, and write a novel.

That's right. I did it! I officially won Camp NaNoWriMo. I didn't hit my original fifty thousand word goal, but that's alright. I managed to hit twenty thousand, which was my amended goal, and I got several brilliant ideas out of the whole ordeal. Yay!

Alright, well, I need to get back to writing and posting this vlog. See you all soon.

And the Madness Begins.

Days until Camp NaNoWriMo: 18

Keep with me, because I'm about to talk to you about everything that's coming up over the next year.

So, it's official. I'm doing the April session of Camp NaNoWriMo. Originally, I was going to write the sequel to Faery Mists, Moon Struck, but now I think I'm going to write a different novel. We'll see what happens.

I'm also considering making a documentary, but that will take a lot more time and planning than writing a novel, especially considering I want to do a documentary about women on YouTube. I know for a fact that I've got a movie in the works, so yeah. I'm losing my mind slowly. A friend and I are working on the script currently, then we'll be moving on in the production of it. We're doing it all ourselves.

On my YouTube channel, I'm going to be producing some more music (yay?) and doing some new short films/skits. We'll see how all that goes. I know that next week, I get to finally put up my Slenderman video. It's been a long time coming and it's almost finished, finally.

It Feels Like Monday...

Irony is something I am very familiar with.  As a writer, I love to employ it whenever possible.  It's also hilarious when I'm sarcastic and no one gets it.  Today, though, was a day that the universe decided that I needed more situational irony in my life.

So, I was on my way to get gas and shots because it had to be done.  I was fixing to pass a gas station (but not the one I was headed to) when my van decided it was completely out of gas.  It wasn't having it anymore and I sputtered to a halt.  I was 100 yards from the gas station, and about 50 from the police/fire station.  There was a semi behind me that had also run out of gas...  And after I finally managed to get some gas in my van and I'm pulling away, another guy sputters to a stop.

 

When I got home, I promptly burst into tears.  I'd already tried my best to avoid sobbing on the cop who was kind enough to assist me while I filled up my van.  The whole situation was so absurd.  I think I was a little in shock, as well.

 

If anything, I learned exactly how far I can drive once my gas gauge says it's empty.

Jumping Right Back In

I can't leave anything alone for long.  It's something that I've noticed.  If I have something that I want to do, I do it.  Call it a flaw, if you will, or just a perk of being me.  I may leave a project alone for awhile, but I will always come back to it.

Publishing my first novel was a different experience for me.  I was put through an emotional roller coaster as I dealt with the problems that popped up.  Oh, there was a typo in the novel that I missed.  The Kindle edition format was messed up.  The font wasn't embedding properly.  The list seemed never ending.

Despite the heartache of publishing, I've already started on another two novels.  Well, I've started on the research and background for these two novels.  Ordinarily, when writing fantasy, the world is yours to create.  When you write urban or contemporary fantasy, though, you're confined to the world that exists already.  Sure, you can tweak it, but it helps if there is some believability to it.

With that in mind, I'm working on slowly building the world in which my characters will live.  Even if the whole novel takes place in one building, I want to know everything I can about the entire world before I set out to write this time.

Solitude (Growing Up)

It's an strange thing, being away from your parents. It's also a fact of life that you have to grow up and leave the safe and caring environment that your parents are supposed to have provided for you. The even stranger part is realizing that you're taking care or yourself for the first time. It's up to you to put the food on the table, wash your clothes, do the chores...

At first, it can be daunting. I know some people who left home and found themselves at a loss for what they were supposed to do. Without someone to guide them, they made some stupid mistakes. I know others who embraced the freedom and solitude, finding it easier to deal with the occasional oppressing loneliness that threatens.

I've found myself wondering how to fill my days more and more lately. While I am an adult, I've never been so far from my parents. I know that I'll miss them, but they have many adventures ahead of them. As for me, this is only the first step on a journey of a lifetime.