Late Night Blogging

Normally, I don't bother blogging after midnight, simply because I'm typically laying in bed and attempting to sleep. Tonight, though, four terrible words were uttered.

"Don't wait for me."

To hear those words was like a knife to the heart, again. It isn't the first time this person has said something like this to me. However, it doesn't stop me from hoping that he'll change his mind and admit he loves me. It always seemed like a pipe dream until more recently. Maybe I'm still just dreaming. After all, why would he tie himself to me when he could have anyone?

Heartache comes in many forms. One that I'm sure everyone is deeply aware of is friendzoning. Once you are there, there is little chance of escape. People complain all the time that they can't get passed the fact that they're love with their best friend.

Darlings, I know your pain. I'm there right now, and it's terrible. To be so close, yet have them so far... It's enough to drive you mad. Never despair, though. One day, you will realize you are stronger for it. Until then, soldier on and hope that someday, they will realize your worth.

Human

It seems fitting I finish up this month's blogs with a post about how flawed people, myself included, are.  Spring is a time to clean out the old issues and welcome the dawning of a new year, a new chance at life.  Summer brings us the chance to grow as people, to find ourselves, and hope we don't lose people along the way.

Over the past month, I've come to terms with a lot.  I've lost friends, made new ones, and grown as a person.  I'm still flawed, and I always will be.  I long ago accepted that I'm nowhere close to perfect.  Self-pity?  Yeah, I feel it.  Anger, depression, pride?  Yeah, I suffer from those emotions as well.  However, I work hard to overcome the negativity in my life.  I try very hard to let go of the past, and to learn from my mistakes.

Very recently, I had a bit of a meltdown.  I called some people out on the way they were treating me and the backlash was horrific.  I was sick of the abuse I was taking from people who didn't even know me or what happens in my life.  People close to those people then took it upon themselves to let me know I'm a pathetic bitch.  Hey, I'll own up to that.  I only have one thing to say in my defense:  I am human.  I make mistakes.  Life isn't about everyone liking you.  It's not about pissing off everyone around you.  It's about making mistakes, learning from them, and trying to be a better person.

So here it is, my soul laid bare.  I'm a pathetic teenager who suffers from a horrible mental affliction called being human.  I'm too smart for my own good, I don't believe in false modesty, I make mistakes quite often, and I'm in love with my life.  I wouldn't change me for the world.